The Real ADHD

     I know there are a number of other blogs and posts going around the internet right now about living with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). I've read a number of them. I have ADHD so reading an article about making it more aware and gain more support is empowering in a sense. These articles make me feel more like I'm not the only one who has to deal with those issues. What I get out of the articles is that, these guys definitely know what I deal with on a daily basis. They know how hard it can be for someone with ADHD, mainly cause they may actually have it. One thing I've noticed throughout my life is that there are people who claim they have ADHD and those who really have ADHD, yes there is a difference. ADHD is not a fictional disorder that everyone has. It is very real and although it not a visible disorder, it effects people in very real ways.
     I hear people say all the time that they have ADHD. When I ask them about it they usually respond with something similar to having a difficult time focusing in class. They get tired and start to doodle or see something going outside of where their focus is supposed to be. I usually laugh to myself when people say that. I laugh because they really don't know the struggles we have to face. When you have ADHD and you are in school, it is not as simple as just not wanting to focus. We do want to focus but they way our minds work is something different. We draw connections to the farthest thing possible from the topic. For example, if we are sitting in class, and we can be anywhere in the room, and we see a butterfly flying around outside the room the process begins. We see the butterfly and think, "Oh! That is a cool looking butterfly, I remember watching a show about monarch butterflies on TV. They also talked a lot about bugs on that show. Beetles are weird looking bugs. They were also a weird looking band. They had that one song that talked about yellow submarines. Submarines are totally tubular! Swimming around the oceans all stealth like. I wonder what happens when they come up to a school of fish. Do fish ever attack subs? Fish make really good meals. I'm hungry now, when's lunch? Well lunch is 7th period, and it's currently 5th period which is math class. What is my teacher talking about now?" I've tried to explain this to people in the past and they usually get lost somewhere along the process. We can be focused on the subject matter in front of us but we will end up saying something like "do fish ever attack subs?". People will look at us confused because they never really heard the thought process just just went through our heads.
     The problem is not just that we get distracted easily. It's that we are also hyper focused. We need to know how everything works and why it works the way it does. I think that is one of the biggest reasons I do sound engineering and occasionally run lights at my church. They require so much focus and a understanding of why you are doing what you are doing to make something sound better that helps me excel. Being hyper observant and focused is part of what gets us in trouble sometimes. When I start on a project, I have to get it finished. If I'm really into working out a problem or figuring out how something works, I need to figure it out before I work on something else. If I can't finish what I'm working on I get irritated, stressed, and the rest of my day can be ruined. At the same time, it is a super power of ours to be hyper focused. When we get in "the zone" with whatever we are doing, there is nothing that will draw our focus away, except maybe someone trying to mess with whatever are doing. Nothing can distract us. Not, always, hunger. Not the time of day, parents, friends nothing. Getting into "the zone" is really nice for me. I do a lot of my best thinking in those moments.  When I get hyper focused on something, all other noises are drowned out and my "blindfolds" go on. I always struggled in school on just about any test I took. I struggled because we were not allowed to listen to music while we took the test. I understand why they said no music, because kids cheat and would figure out a way to have the answers playing through their headphones. I get that. I respect that. But for myself, living with ADHD, having music playing, loud enough for me to block out any other noise helps me concentrate and keep my eyes where they need to be. If I don't have that I'm more likely to hear other people writing or moving and I have to know who it is and why they are moving. I lose focus and off topic.
     One thing that not many people know about people with ADHD is that schedules are very important to us. If you tell me that breakfast is at 7am, work starts at 8am, lunch is at 12, there is a meeting at 3 and it will end at 4. All those things must start and end on time. If you tell me that a meeting will end at 4 and we get to 4:05 and we are still talking, I start getting uneasy. By 4:20 I'm mentally checked out and done listening and going into my own little world wondering when will this meeting be done because I have things I want or need to do, and irritated because we have gone so far over and haven't kept to the schedule.
     As much as having ADHD has been a hindrance to me, with the more sensitive personality, constant running mind, lack of understand from others, etc. Having ADHD has also been a blessing. A blessing in the sense that because of this disorder, I am able to find greater appreciation for the little things. At least things that seem little to others. When you look at this picture, you see a beautiful sunrise. I see so much more than that. I see the golden sun rising in the horizon, over the hill, breaking through the clouds that are condensed water. Which has eventually filled the lake that has frozen over because of the bitter cold winter. I see the sun reaching out towards the trees which have lost all of their leaves and are now a bit more frightful but also more beautiful with the bright white snow covering the ground and cabins but failed to cover the white, yellow and green sign in the foreground of the picture. I see a sense of peace and calm in the picture. As if everything is right in the world at this moment and things will be ok. That God is really in control and has an never ending love for us. So if you know someone who has ADHD, I know they can be a bit weird, I know I am pretty weird, be patient with them. I hope you have a new understanding and appreciation of why people with ADHD are the way they are. It is not easy to have it. But God loves us anyways and we love people. I do because God has chosen to love me first.

Finding an Escape

     It has been a long time since I've written a blog. At least 4 or 5 years. I think it's time to write one and share some of my thoughts that have been stewing for a while now. This post is based on what I have noticed. Whether wrong or right, it is my opinion, and I hope those of you who read this will read it with an open mind. That it is being written by someone who is broken and is continuously being saved by a great savior Jesus Christ.

     Over the past few years as I have been getting older and growing in my walk, I began to see something about myself and people in general. When times get hard or I start feeling a bit depressed, I have a tendency to want to find an escape. This usually takes the form of shutting myself from others emotionally and taking shelter in my own mind. 

     Once this happens I tend to start paying close attention to the people around me. Nothing creepy. Just when I'm around people I tend to take a back seat and watch and listen more. Listening and watching, I start to pay more attention to the way people act or respond to different situations. Sometimes I read the status' people post on Facebook. One of the things I notice people do, when they start feeling the way I do, is look for some kind of escape. Most people, in my experience the younger generations usually, will take to Facebook and post a status and complain indirectly about someone or something. Sometimes the status is one of the most vicious and hateful feeling messages that comes from the heart. I see other people in my situation run to boyfriends, girlfriends, who ever happens to be their closest friend at the time, alcohol, drugs, sex, or whatever else they think will be an escape from feeling alone or pain. Personally for me, I will either completely shut myself from people as I previously stated, or I will go get by myself, watch endless movies, tv shows, play certain video games depending on my mood, or listen to music. All in a feeble attempt to block out any noise or thoughts to just numb any pain I may have. 

     One of the biggest lessons I've learned over the years is that people will hurt you. Friends and family will fail you. Co-workers will rub you the wrong way. Bottom line, you will experience failure and pain from someone you trust. I have experienced all these. From friends abusing my friendship to feeling as if I have been let down from people who are in leadership positions in and outside of the church to being let down by family at times. However, if I have learned anything at all in my life it is the fact that God never abandons me. God is always there for me and will never leave me. I can always go to him for anything at anytime. God is the perfect father whose love is endless. I can trust that if I need comfort God will provide it on request and is greater than any issue I may be facing.  He has gotten me through everything that has caused me grief and severe emotional pain. Jesus has even told us to come to him! "Come to me all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28. My God never let's me fail! If I fall, He is always there picking me up and comforting me. It is one of the biggest things that keeps me going and reminds me of actually how loved I am by God. 

     I want to encourage any of you who are hurting right now. You can find rest and peace in God. When I picture God and someone who is hurting deeply, I picture God as a loving father who is picking up his weeping child, holding them tightly and crying with them. 

Telling them how loved they are. Remember that Christ died for you because he LOVES you! Christ will never leave you. Never fail you. He listens to his children. He feels their pain. God knows how to comfort you and his comfort and love will never run out. As much as you might forget that from time to time, God will be there with open arms ready to catch you and hold you. If you are one of those who are hurting, I pray that this helps. That you will remember that you have refuge with Christ. That God will never forsake or leave you.

Eyes Opening in DC

We've been here in South East Washington DC for about 5 days now. God has really been opening up our eyes and moving our hearts this past week. I have learned so much about the poverty here in SE DC. On the weeks leading up to our departure from Illinois, I was frightened and nervous. I had so many worries that were making me think twice about coming on this service trip. For example, I was worried about not working for a week. I recently just bought a new car, as most of you already know, and I have gotten financed for flight lessons. Both of which cost me a lot of money every month. Not to mention, my insurance rates have gone up. So needless to say, I have to work as much as I can so I can afford to pay off these things. Along with giving up work for a week, I had to turn back a few soccer games. Which is where I make my most money. So I was worried that by going on this trip, I would hurt myself in the long run and end up in a lot of debt.

We left our home at Community Fellowship Friday morning, 3/11/11. By the time we arrived in SE DC, it was about 11pm and God started working in us pretty much right away. All of us were pretty tired from the trip and wanted to go to bed. But, we had to set up our rooms. They gave us all air mattresses which needed to be pumped up and some of the mattresses had holes in them and leak fast or wouldn't hold any air very well and leak slowly. Which became fairly frustrating for some of us. I was lucky and got one that didn't really leak but somehow, I ended up not sleeping very much at all. The entire night I kept waking up, rolling around, trying to get comfortable. It didn't help that there was a fire department directly across the street from the church we were staying at, which use to be a convent for nuns, that was busy. They were going on calls all night long and they were loud.

The next day, we all got out of bed around 7:30 AM and went to our first destination, which was our SE DC contacts house. We got there about 9ish. I checked the weather when I woke up and it said that it was supposed to be in the 60's so I thought I would wear shorts. When we got there, we had to wait for the other groups to show up. We waited for a while but they all showed up eventually. While they were all showing up, we were all mingleing with each other and starting to build a relationship. After everyone safely arrived, we began our first task. The first thing we had to do was partner up with someone that was not from our own group. I partnered up with Christina. We were given $7 each, a bus pass, and a piece of paper that had a location and a series of questions on it that we were supposed to ask to people in the area. The paper that we got had no directions on it at all. All it said was that Christina and I had to go to Skyland Shopping Center (ask for the Safeway). Kate, our SE DC contact, told us that we had to ask people for directions and that she wasn't going to tell us. By this time it got pretty chillly and cloudy. A little too chilly for shorts. Before we began we went back to the church we were staying at, only a block away, and I changed into some pants. Afterwards, Christina and I headed out to try to find where in the world the Skyland Shopping Center was. The first person we asked had no clue where it was. She just confused us. So we ended up asking this high school kid where it was and he knew exactly and told us that we needed to take the B2 bus and ride it until we see the big sign that said "Skyland Shopping Center."

The bus ride happened to be really short. Only about 2 minutes. The shopping center, which was basically a grocery store, was within walking distance. About 3/4 of a mile. The area was pretty schocking to both Christina and I. The Skyland Shopping Center and Safeway looked brand new. It was all on one side of the street. The whole thing was nice and clean and busy. On the opposite side of the street, it was all run down, dirty. It had buildings that were boarded up and an empty parking lot that only had a few people walking through every now and then. There were a few resturaunts in the area. A Popeys, KFC, McDonalds, and a New York Fried Chicken. There was also a new Chinese resturaunt that went up but we didn't know about it until later. We had to eat at one a resturaunt, but we weren't supposed to eat at a chain resturaunt. However, we ended up eating at KFC because every place we saw was a chain. In total we were on our own for about 3 hours. When we went into the grocery store, let alone outside, I was really uncomfortable. I was the only ginger, or white person, around. Christina is Philipino so she didn't stick out like I did. Everywhere we walked I felt like people were staring at me wondering what the heck was a ginger doing walking around that area. What really surprised me was how nice the people were. Everyone we talked to was very helpful and happy to help us. It surprised me because I thought they weren't going to want to talk to me at all. I was thinking they'd be pretty resentful towards me because of how "poor" the area was. How they might have been victims of a lot of racism.

On Sunday, we had the choice of going to one of two church services. One choice was a catholic mass which was more like a baptist service, and the other choice was a non-evangelical service. I chose to go to the latter. The church I went to was called Peace Fellowship Church. It was a couple of bus rides to get to the church. When we walked in, we were all immediately greeted by a few of the people in the church. They were all very welcoming. The entire congregation reminded me of Community Fellowship. Just reversed. It was mostly African-American. A couple asians and then a few caucasians. The service ran pretty similar to our services. There was worship first, followed by a time of prayer then a message and finally a couple songs to wrap things up. One thing that my eyes opened to was how they prayed. When they pray during their services, they give everyone who wants to speak, a chance to make a prayer request. After everyone who wanted a chance made a request, they pray for everyones request and for more requests that weren't made. I learned, from Peace Fellowship, how a church community should be acting towards the community and new comers. Too often do people ignore visitors to the church. We never go introduce ourselves or even notice them. 

The start of the week was really moving for being two days. So much happened within the 48 hours and it really made me think about home and was the start of some changes in my heart.

What do you value?

 Last Sunday I visited a Nepali church. It was full of refugees whose lives have been threatened because of what they value. In order to live they all fled their homes.  Even though they all fled for their lives, their values are important enough for them to hold on to, to give up everything they have.  I noticed that the people in this church, they value God so much that they are willing to come gather in a tiny room with so many people that you literally have no personal space. You are sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with the people next to you. In a room that has no chairs, requiring you to sit on the floor for the entire service. Which lasted two hours. They are willing to do that and sit on the floor just to worship God and hear his word. 

  

Have you ever thought about what we Americans really value? Cars? Sports? Movies? Clothes? Sex? Do you really know what you value? Have you ever really looked at peoples’ facebook? The groups or pages that they like? I’ve seen people that come to church on a regular basis, become fans of groups that surprise me. It makes me question their values. I’ll bet that when it comes down to it, if our lives were threatened, then what we truly value will come to the surface whether we like the out come or not. And I’ll bet that, most of the time, God will not even make the list. That is a problem. We definitely take what we have for granted here.  Would you be willing to give up your family and friends for what you value 

  

Do you know what God values? He values all of us above everything that he created. If had to pick between the rest of creation and us, He would pick us every time because He loves us. “God shows His love for us in this that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom 5:8) God values us so much that He gave up his only Son for us. What do you value? Do you value pleasure? Do you value yourself? Do you value electronics? Is your heart valuing what it should be? Think about it. Christ died for you. He died for you because God finds value in you. God values us for who we are, because he made us, but do we really value him? Do you see God as just a means to an end or is He your fulfillment? (Is God a stepping stone for you?) If you value God, do you value him because you might get something nice and shiny from him? Or do you value him because He values you and he sacrificed His son to die on the cross because we are valued so much? How much do you value God? Value God because he has value in you.

Reviewing a Year

     Truly it is amazing how time flys. The 2010 year has come and gone in a blink of an eye. It has had its share of good times and bad times; a combination of tears and laughs. In the past year my experiences have been so numerous. I have tried new things, I have seen new things, meet new people, learned more of who I am as a person and as a son of God.
     It has been a while since I've written a blog. Mostly because I have not known what to write about and I've been busy with so many things going on during the holidays. But now that most of the craziness is over I can start writing again and what else to write about but the past year and my experiences.
     Around this time last year until the about March was a busy time of the year. I had gap, which was going really well, dodgeball, which was going amazing and in full swing and I had work which was keeping me as busy as possible. Dodgeball took up a good amount of my time. It was real busy work to run a ministry. Especially a ministry like dodgeball. Gap, the high school youth group, took up my entire Sundays. I would be at church all day from 10am until about about 8pm. The reason I would be at church all day is because I would run the sound and lights for gap and I would have to set up all the sound equipment and lights by myself and that took me a while to do. If I finished up early I would go out and get some lunch or an early dinner but but it would normally be a quick trip out cause I would have to get back to the church for worship practice. After gap and all the kids went to small groups, I would stay and clean up all of the sound and light equipment by myself and move it all into the oasis room. Sundays took a lot out of me. Once spring came around, soccer season started and I got extremely busy with work and reffing and keeping up with gap and dodgeball. During the spring my schedule would be pretty simple, I would go to work in the mornings then right after work I would go straight to a soccer game or two and then sundays I would be at church all day. That was pretty much my schedule for the whole spring. Once school was about to get out, and up to this point my year was going pretty well, everything went from good to bad pretty quick. I think I wrote about all that in a other blog though so I wont go into it again. All I will say about it is that it was a very difficult time for me. The rest of the year for me was pretty much similar schedule wise minus the sundays. I had those back and was able to do what I wanted to which was exactly what I needed. Almost all of my college career, I was involved with gap somehow and during the rest of the week I had absolutely no days off from either school, work, or even gap. This lead to one of the first things I learned last year about myself. I need a day off to myself where I can do whatever I want to do and just relax.
     Anyways, I'm starting to ramble. During the summer, after I started to feel less angry at people, I heard something that had a bit of an impact on me and caused an "Ah-ha" moment. I was driving and someone told me that one of the biggest reasons I got picked on was because I'm a great and nice guy and other guys are threatened by that. Another thing I learned about myself is that I can be very shy but at the same time I can be very out going. I love being around people and being close to people. As long as I can remember, I've always enjoyed being there for people and talking to people even though holding a conversation is not one of my strengths. I also learned a reason why I can be so frustrated and upset when I'm at home. By no means am I proud of it but I feel like its true. But I don't think I'm going to get into that thing. Recently, I was having coffee with Joe K. We were talking at starbucks and he pointed a few things out about me. Things like, I like having new things and getting new things. I don't really appreciate being made to look like an idiot and being embarrassed infront of people. Nor do I like when people try to out do me. By that I mean, when people tell me that I am not doing something right and step in and push me aside. I get upset. Besides all those things, I feel like I've just hit the tip of the ice berg. There is still a long ways for me to go but I am always finding out new things about myself.
     Overall, I would say that the 2010 year was a good year. Naturally it had it's ups and downs but every year is going to have those times. There is nothing we can do to not have a down time in any year. They are a natural part of life. Never can it be predicted that something bad will happen. It is how we deal with those times that helps define who we are as people.

My Life Experience

Right now, I have so much going on in my head, so much I want to write, I don't know where to start or what to write about. But I think that in order for you to understand what I will be writing about later on in this blog, I will need to start at the beginning and give you some background information about myself. I was boring to my mother at a very young age. My parents dubbed me the name Scott M. Lichtfuss. I grew up in a christian home. My dad would not go to church, except on holidays, and my oldest sister doesn't go to church anymore and I don't see my other sister going to church very much at all. As I grew up, I was always shy and somehow became the awkward kid. If anyone knew me, they knew that I was the kid in class that always got picked on. I was the unpopular kid and picked on all the way through my junior year of high school. In my junior year at Wego, I finally had some friends. I didn't hang out with them outside school much, went to prom with this small group, but I pretty much hung out with them before school started and at lunch. As a child, I had a short temper but a loving heart. I hated to be teased and it really caused me to get angry at people quiet a bit. Sometimes it got to the point that I'd lose my anger at home and cause my parents greif. If people were nice to me, they would be my best friend. However, if they made me angry, I would hate them. It was a big problem. But as I grew up I learned to control my anger. When I was about 5 or 6 years old, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Today, that doesn't seem like its a big deal because "everyone" has it, but back in the 90's it was a big deal. It isn't always easy living with ADHD, and I'm not making excuses. I have to take adderral everyday to help me concentrate.

Up until recently, I really did not know who I was. I have been slowly figuring that out over the past 4 months. I have known who I was outwardly, but inside, I had a very minute understanding. What started this internal search for myself was a huge wake-up call. Back in May, I got pulled out of Gap and Dodgeball for a number of reasons that I don't want to get into. Anyways, when I got pulled out of dodgeball I hit a pretty low point. I got angry and wanted to just stay at home and do nothing. I stayed angry for a few weeks. After I cooled down, I really began to look at who I was. I sat down with my mom a couple times this past summer and we talked. We decided that I really do need to find myself and the best way to do that is to try new things and take a vacation where I could try even more things. One plan I had was to take a vacation to Florida to visit my uncle and aunt. I was looking forward to it but the week before I was going to leave, all of the pilots that flew for the airline I was taking went on strike. So unfortunately I was unable to go on the trip. Instead of this vacation, which I will have to go on eventually, I ended up just going out and around to other places and try different things. Things like sushi. For anyone that knows me, they know that I don't like raw fish. So its extremely important that when I'm eating sushi, that I don't know what I'm eating. If you tell me I will get sick to my stomach. Since my start at finding myself, I have learned many things. For example, with the help of Oz, I have learned that one very possible reason that I have been picked on my entire life, is that other guys see me as a threat. They know that I could get any girl I wanted because I am so nice. That I am a great guy. They see that and get under my skin to bring the worst out of me. Oz has admitted to doing it before and it makes a lot of sense for things that happened when I was younger and now. I have noticed that some of my friends have done it when there were attractive girls around and all because they see me as a threat.

I have also learned some of things of what I like and don't like. I have found what kind of foods I like. Some foods that I found I like are pho, which has become one of my favorite foods, hen, thai and cambodian foods. I enjoy mexican food, italian food, ribs, steak, hot wings, and pizza. Besides food, I have found out that I like camping, canoeing, hiking, driving, flying, playing ultimate frisbee, bags, play football and soccer, listening to my music and watching movies. On the other hand, I have also found what I don't like. I don't like it when people lie to me, or make me feel stupid. When people are being lazy or want to goof off when it is supposed to be a serious time, I get upset. This list itself is fairly complex and could possibly get its own blog. I may write about it some other time.

Overall, the past few months have been a long journey that has been filled with new experiences, old experiences, and digging for my roots. The next few months will be an interesting time. It is going to be a time of in depth interpersonal study. I will have to continue to learn what makes me tick. More about what I like and don't like. I am in the process of figuring out what I am going to do for a living so I will have to figure out what school I will attend and what I will major in.